I Am Dev Enough
A story for legitimacy-seeking developers — who you are right now is enough. Yes, you too, bootcamp grads.
The inspiration for this piece comes from my computer science professor. In lecture, he said, “if it walks like a duck, and it quacks like a duck, then it is duck enough” to teach us about the concept of duck-typing in programming.
Picture this: It’s summer 2020. Everything is cancelled and the birds are singing despite it all. I’m sitting up straight on my patio chair. It’s my first time sitting in a computer science lecture. I want to be perfect.
Yes, posture counts.
I have to do well.
Unsaid: I will not forgive myself if I don’t.
My professor is stoic, awkward and incredibly intelligent. He’s exactly what I imagined a computer science professor to be like. I stay engaged for two hours but in the third hour, I feel myself turn off the video and sink into my seat. Two more hours to go. I can do this.
Unsaid: I will not forgive myself if I don’t.
I marvel at his ability to be monotone and yet, poetic. Funny, even. Then he truly startles me, he relates a programming concept to the idiom I shared above. An alternative usage of that idiom is: “They say it’s not a tax, but if it looks like a duck and walks like a duck, it is a duck.”
I choose to use my professors definition. It is the one that has stuck for me.
In either case, the idiom suggests that “if x shares the characteristics and behaviours of y, then it *is* y” for all intents and purposes.
To me, it asks, “if you share the characteristics and behaviours of a developer, then why do you think you are not dev enough?”
I tune back into lecture.
Today, I’ve completed semester one of two. The overarching reason why I returned to school was because I felt I wasn’t enough.
I told myself I may have the characteristics (i.e. bootcamp education) and behaviours (i.e. one year of experience as a developer) but I am not developer enough.
The first task I took on after being freshly unemployed was researching how to be a REAL developer.
I came up with a list. I crushed it.
✅ I contributed to open source.
✅ I mentored.
✅ I taught.
✅ I bought “Cracking the Coding Interview.”
✅ I built projects.
✅ I downloaded “Clean Code” onto my e-reader for casual reading.
✅ I went back to university for computer science.
On and on it goes.
Guess what I’ve realized?
Confidence is an inside job. It does not come from the outside. Nobody and nothing GIVES it to you.
I love school. I will always be a student, but I returned to school out of fear. I came chasing acceptance and hoping for an arrival. Oh, glamorous arrival. You are deceiver in chief.
Here’s the truth: You’re not going to arrive, ever. You are only going to make tiny progressions forever — I know senior developers who have LEFT development entirely. In other words, it does not “end” at Senior Developer.
I love my work and I have ambitions, but I am not working in fear anymore. I am working in love.
So, please, one up me. Get that internship at IBM, AMD, and Google. I will be happy for you and I’ll STILL be proud of me. Me, in my corner, not living small, but living in peace.
On writing this piece — I was in the middle of interviewing at a start-up. I nailed the technical test but I did not pass the second interview. Today, I received my rejection email. I mention this because, for the first time, a rejection hasn’t overridden all of my successes. I thanked the recruiter and wished them a wonderful Wednesday.
I am still as successful as I was yesterday. I practised what I preached.
So, be big, strong and gracious. Accept yourself. You are enough as you are. Right now, in this very moment. Sure, you can be better but can’t we all? Celebrate where you are.
