The Gift of Loneliness

A Personal Story About How Books and Podcasts Helped Me Redefine My Relationship with Love

2019 — I was browsing laptop accessories when I first saw Klimt’s “The Kiss” painting. I starred at it.

I loved the colours — the specks of gold, the shapes, and of course, the gentle kiss. I loved the woman’s expression and the detail on the man’s hand.

Even after I’d seen two or three laptop cases I’d like, “The Kiss” remained my favourite. I kept coming back to it.

I wanted the “The Kiss” laptop case so badly, but I did not get it. I even talked myself out of “The Kiss” touch pad sticker.

Somebody’s going to see it. I don’t want that! What will they think of me?

2020 — I am a true-crime junkie. My sister’s Personal Support Worker (PSW), Natalie, is the only person who loves true-crime as much as me. Over the years, we’ve recommended each other true-crime podcasts, documentaries and books. We can’t get enough of it.

Except, we did.

We took a break from true-crime when the first lockdown was announced. We never talked about it. We both reached the same conclusion at the same time.

Natalie went back to re-watching her favourite 80’s sitcoms and I immersed myself in podcasts and books about love. I knew why Natalie reverted to her favourite TV shows; she said they reminded her of “the good ol’ days”. But I didn’t know why I reverted to love stories. When I thought why, I found myself thinking because love is happiness.

Am I a hopeless romantic?

How embarrassing.

Also me: crying over every episode of “Crash Landing on You” in my room. (What’s Crash Landing on You? It’s on Netflix. Watch it and weep.)

2021 — Alright, fine. I love love stories. There, I said. To the WHOLE internet.

What Took So Long?

1. I’m shy! For me, saying “I love stories” is like saying “I’m lonely.” I know tons about loneliness. I spent 6 months feeling painfully insignificant and invisible in 2019-early 2020. Admitting loneliness felt shameful likewise admitting I adored romance novels felt like I was inadvertently saying, “I need and want love.” I didn’t want anyone to know! I felt a mix of emotions — shame, embarrassment, fear. It was not until I started listening to a podcast called, “Ear Hustle” that I started thinking, hey, if these inmates can announce, to the WHOLE world, that they need love, then why can’t I? It’s cool. It’s human. Today, I thank loneliness because it allowed me to complete the sentence “I am fine on my own BUT I would also love to share love with someone else.” Now, this sentence truly reflects how I feel. It’s honest and I love that.
2. For a very long time, the romance genre has been ridiculed. I believed saying I loved romance made me sound goofy. Silly. “Girly”. “Boy-crazy”. It was not until I listened to Code Switch’s, “Black Kiss-tory” episode where I learned it’s a fact. It was so great to hear: “[00:07:35] romance literally keeps the lights on for all other kinds of literature, I mean, we’ve talked about this before on the show, Cherine, but romance is one of the only genres of literature that’s actually profitable. And without it, there would be no so-called literary literature.” For me, this confirmed two things: romance is profitable and everybody loves it.
3. I’ve been reading better romance novels. What constitutes a “better” romance novel? One: The author is a person of colour (POC) OR Two: the author is writing about an underrepresented group in romance writing. I *love* reading novels about women of colour and/or marginalized characters like disabled persons or an elderly person. When I read romance novels, I want to read about complex characters. I read because I want to learn about different perspectives. Also, I’m sooo bored of the young, hot barista, living in New York, who is just trying to “make it on her own”. It’s overdone.

With that, I have recommendations for you.

This is for someone who is feeling lonely, desiring romantic love but cannot be bothered with online dating sites; therefore, will inevitably be single this entire pandemic (#same):

Books

• “The Reckless Oath We Made” by Bryn Greenwood
• “Eleanor Oliphant Is Completely Fine” by Gail Honeyman
• “Get a Life, Chloe Brown” by Talia Hibbert
• “Ayesha At Last” by Uzma Jalaluddin
• “Where The Crawdads Sing” by Delia Owens
• “It’s Not All Downhill From Here” by Terry McMillan
• “The Flatshare” by Beth O’Leary

Podcasts

• Ear Hustle, “The Big No No” and “Prime Real Estate”
• Code Switch, “Black Kiss-tory”
• Modern Love, “Desire Is Never a Mistake”

Enjoy the warm fuzzies!

Now, should I get “The Kiss” laptop case or “The Kiss” touch pad sticker?